"Hear the inner voice
The light of being your own world "
Lu Dan got a "strange disease". From the age of 14, she did not come to menstruation, and she had a stomachache every month.The doctor said that she was "congenital vagina" and needed to make the vagina to have the right to be a mother.Rural people call such people "stone girls", and feel that this disease is more fatal than stupid, because they will not be able to marry for a lifetime.
After three surgery and endured the pain of wearing vaginal mold every day, Lu Dan thought that his days would always get better.She also met her boyfriend who also had congenital diseases.
However, before she had time to grasp the hardship that was hard to come, she was diagnosed with uremia and heart disease.During the pain, her boyfriend turned and left.
Lu Dan, 23, may have to live for a long time.
The following is her description.
Speaker ｜ Lu Dan
Edit ｜ Mengye candy
At the age of 14, it was a girl jumping in the sun and enjoying a beautiful youth, but my adolescence spent in the hospital.
That year, my body began to develop. I always had a small stomach in a few days every month.My parents took me to watch some doctors intermittently in the countryside. I drank a lot of medicines, but they were not good.Half a year later, my mother took me to the hospital in Ningxiang County for examination.The doctor said that it was a "hymen atresia" and needed an emergency surgery to release the menstrual blood that accumulated in the uterus for half a year, so as to relieve the problem of stomach pain.
I thought that I was completely good now, but less than two months after the operation, my stomach started to hurt again, and menstruation was still not coming.
We had to go to a larger hospital for medical treatment, and the doctor told me that my illness was called "congenital vaginal lock".Unlike other patients, there are normal uterus and ovaries in my belly, but there is no vagina.If you want to retain the characteristics of a woman and the right to be a mother, you must try your best to protect the uterus, and then build a vagina through surgery to allow menstruation to flow normally.
The doctor said a lot of medical sciences. Many I didn’t understand many of them, so I secretly went online to check myself. Only then did I know that I was commonly known as the "stone girl".Some people also mocked the "stone girl" and "not a woman at all."
Whether it is parents or myself, I must have normal marriage and family like other women.We agree with the doctor’s suggestion, the second operation was very successful, and the family was relieved.
14 -year -old Lu Dan has experienced multiple operations
But after 57 days of surgery, my stomach started to hurt again, and it was tortured day and night. It hurts me to be irritable and desperate, and I often cried and cried.It’s so painful that it hasn’t improved for a year. The doctor finally suggested that it is better to remove the uterus, so that it will not hurt anymore.And like me, the chance of pregnancy is very small, and it doesn’t make much sense to keep the uterus.
As a girl, although I don’t understand how much such surgery will affect my life, it is aware of a lot of anxiety.I was lying on the hospital bed with tears, holding the doctor and asking a lot of questions: "Are I still a virgin after the operation? May I still be a mother?"
I remember my mother once said that in our village, even a fool can marry.But if a woman can’t have a child, she can only keep it at home and be an old daughter.I am particularly scared. I was afraid that I couldn’t marry for a lifetime, and I could only be a trailer bottle of my parents.
However, at that time, my body pain had reached an unbearable point. When my life was threatened, how could I care about other things?I hesitated for a long time, and finally made up my mind -listening to the doctor, performed the third operation, and removed the uterus.
Since the second surgery, I have to wear vaginal molds, but it is actually the man’s thing.The doctor said that only by putting it in my vagina can the surgical effect be maintained.
I feel disgusting, crying in the bed every day, how can I accept such things into my body.
But my mother told me that I had to wear it.Because only when the "hole" is kept and capable of meeting the physiological needs of men, I will have the opportunity to marry in the future.So I have to wear it all the time until I have a regular life.
Only two people know my condition -my mother and grandma.After the operation, they called me to the house, closed the door, and told me seriously: "Don’t tell anyone about your illness, including your good friend. When you grow up, find a boyfriend, adopt a child, Hide this matter, don’t let anyone know. "
I listened silently and kept these words in my heart, and never said it to anyone, even the best friend.I think it will be a secret that will always be buried in my heart.
When I first brought the mold, I was particularly strange to walk.A year later, I slowly felt that it was not so painful, so I went back to school to study.But wearing a mold, I worry about going to the toilet every day.In order not to be seen by my classmates, I can only wait for everyone to go to the toilet myself when everyone goes to the playground.
Sometimes there will be good friends who ask me to go to the toilet together, and I will not refuse.But choose a place far away from her in the bathroom.I don’t want good friends to know that I wear such disgusting things.
In those days, my mother supervised very tightly, and I often checked whether I worn it.It could not be removed at the beginning of 24 hours and nights, and slowly recovered from the body, so as not to wear it so frequently.
After going to the dormitory after going to college, everyone gets along every day, and many things cannot be concealed.I never buy a sanitary napkin. I have to change the medicine and clean it every day.The roommates did not ask directly because of their respect, but I could feel their doubts.
My mother can’t supervise around, and I don’t want to be incompatible with others, so I claim that I don’t plan to bring that mold.
After getting rid of the eyes of my mother, I didn’t want to wear it anymore.
After wearing molds, my psychological pressure is much smaller, and my life is much refreshing.But after more than a year, I found that the "hole" was sealed again.
After returning from the winter vacation, I confessed to my mother. She choked after she knew: "How can you marry someone in the future? How can I sleep at night …"
I was sad, but I still comforted her firmly: "Mom, rest assured, that’s it, I can definitely find a boyfriend."
"My situation is Shuangwu, there is no sexual life, and you can’t have children."
"Coincidentally. Me too."
I looked at the two lines on the screen of the mobile phone, and my heartbeat was faster for a while.
Searching through the Internet, I found that in this world, I still have many similar types.With them, I don’t have to have any shame.We often chat together, comfort each other, and even post to find objects.
That’s how he met him.
Both of us have congenital diseases. They spent their adolescence in the hospital. The doctors were informed that they were not "normal" women and men, and they could not live like normal people in the future.The common encounters make us particularly common language, and we talk hotly on my mobile phone every day.After knowing him, my entire soul was happy. I felt lonely for so many years, and finally found someone who resonated with me.
In those three months, we had to chat online every day. Later, we met and naturally established a relationship.I feel that I am so happy that I am standing in the clouds, and I caught this two -way rush.I couldn’t information that I could be so lucky, and I grabbed the straw tightly.
In November last year, he and I took wedding photos in the sunny winter, and I met my parents at the end of the year, and everything went smoothly.We agreed that when I finished my career, I got married.
The nails made for wedding photos, the proposal ring sent with her boyfriend
At that time, I was immersed in happiness, and I didn’t realize that my fate would give me a clear thunderbolt again.
At that time, I didn’t feel satisfied after reading the wedding photo, and I went to make up again in April.On that day, I took some samples and came back.I was puzzled, but I didn’t think much about it, I just thought it was a bit swollen if I didn’t rest on the day of taking pictures.
But after getting up the next day, I found that there seemed to be a layer of yarn in front of my eyes. I couldn’t see the words, and the weight increased seven pounds in a short time.I intuitively had a problem with my body and hurried to the hospital.
After the examination, the doctor did not say that the specific illness, but only said that the situation was very serious. I needed to do dialysis, so I quickly called my family members.The fiance came quickly after receiving the phone call. The two of us hugged each other tightly in the hall, crying and exhausted.
We don’t want to believe it. With a little hope, go to other places to register again. After seeing many hospitals, I asked countless doctors, but the results we got was more affirmative at a time -uremia.
I have broken all the beautiful ideas of future life.
Urexia does not have a particularly good treatment method at present, and can only always do dialysis to maintain life. If you are lucky, you can perform transplantation.The fiance didn’t say anything, just comforted me to cure the disease first, don’t think too much.
But I was very heavy.Suddenly, I had such a serious illness, or the eyes of marriage and marriage, as if God was going to separate our two.
This hunch is getting stronger and stronger. I trembled and asked him: "Are we going to go?" He comforted me softly: "Don’t think so much. Let’s cure the disease first, I will accompany you."
Lu Dan’s love comes and disappears
However, he did not comply with his promise.
At first he would be patient with me, and slowly, he started to work overtime intentionally. He no longer came to see me every day, and his attitude became more and more indifferent. I felt all of these.
But I think we still love each other, and we are in a special situation. It is not easy to come together. How can this relationship say that it is broken?So when he returned to his hometown on May 1st, I asked him if he could fight with his parents.
After returning from his hometown, he went to the hospital to see me.He looked at my eyes and didn’t speak for a long time.
"I can’t say a bit." He said.
I try to keep calm as much as possible, and even comfort him, "You drink some water first, calm down your mood, it doesn’t matter."
He told me that his mother forced us to break up with death. He couldn’t help but only obey.Before coming to the hospital, he turned out that he had moved his things out of our room.
That day, after he sent me home, he left me forever.
In the evening, I lay lonely lying on the bed and looked at my mobile phone. I looked at our chat history one by one, from acquaintance, knowing each other to thinking, and memories.I sent him a message. When I was reluctant, I got to my mouth, but it became a lightly described greeting: "How do you, have you found the house?"
The boyfriend left, leaving only Lu Dan a messy home
After just separation, he would still return to my news. When I was in a bad mood, listened to me and told me to live well.He came to see me every week, and sometimes he took me to do dialysis and take care of me like a friend.
But later, I suddenly found out congenital heart disease, and I had to surgery quickly.I felt particularly helpless. After walking out of the hospital, sending a message to him: "It’s raining today, I’m afraid I can’t get the car, can you come to pick me up?"
He did not reply.This sentence has since become our last chat record.
I returned home embarrassedly, crying and tearing, dazed in the ceiling, I don’t know how to go on life.I was still taking wedding photos a month ago, waiting happily as a bride.And now, one after another hit me, I am ill, my life and death, and my lover has gone.I don’t know what I have done wrong. I will be punished such a punishment in my life?
During that time, I often hope that I can disappear from this world, and I hope he can spend more days with me every day.I accepted his departure and understood that I shouldn’t drag his life.But I still think he walked a little too fast.But the real world is so ridiculous. It takes two people to pay for so long to run a relationship. It is enough for a few days.
However, I can only flow into my stomach with tears. I know he can no longer see my tears. My joy and sorrow will no longer care about it. We have become passers -by.
In the dark, I seemed to hear my mother calling my name gently, and this voice dragged me out of the chaos.After opening my eyes, I found a circle around me. A doctor couldn’t help but amazed: "Little girl, you are so lucky!"
It was during the May Day. The tube of the dialysis suddenly had a failure, and the blood on the neck couldn’t stop going out. The nurse was frightened when I found it. I was pushed to the rescue room for emergency treatment, but fortunately, the disaster would not die.
After hovering several times before the Ghost Gate, I often think of many young things.
At the age of 14, my mother often took me to treat her illness outside. My father was busy with rice in the field. My brother played with his children in the village every day.When my parents’ hearts were on me, my brother accidentally drowned.
This incident has a very big blow to our family. The mother stayed, and she shed tears silently every day.But in order to treat me, she had to be strong and continued to take me to see a doctor around.
When I was a kid, I was divided, and the other party said that I had a hurdle in my life.But after the confirmation at the age of 14, I fell into a desperation again and again.Watching me so painful, my powerless dad can only blame myself: "Isn’t it that my daughter is smooth in the future? Why should I suffer these sins? What sin I made in my life, a pair of children can’t keep it."
Thinking of his blame, I was sad.
Brother Lu Dan (middle) the only photo
The conditions of our family were not bad, but I had so many serious illnesses. My parents took me to see a doctor and performed surgery, and the bottom of my family was hollowed out.I will never forget that they are together in the temple, praying that my daughter looks smooth throughout my life.
I am 23 years old and hurt. Many doctors estimate that I may not live 18 years old, but I still live.
I feel that there is always any power to bless me and not let me leave the world.I don’t believe that my life is a live chess, I don’t want to make the tragedy of "wanting to raise and not treat it", and I don’t want to live for only this short 20 years.
I told myself that I want to live, even if I may never have love and marriage, but for my parents, for myself, I have to work hard!
My friend took Lu Dan’s hand to encourage her
The bell of the phone rang, I picked up and couldn’t help but rise.Another new message: "Sister, come on, you are really great!"
After the heart surgery was discharged from the hospital, I contacted some charity institutions and media with the help of my friends, and got a lot of help.These gentle strangers on the Internet are like a bouquet of light, gently shining into my dark life.
I feel more and more that my life is a bit unfortunate, but I have to work hard to make myself live well.I try not to give myself a chance to be sad, and always try to do all kinds of things to prevent myself stop.As long as you stop, people will not collapse.
Life is not easy, I don’t know what hardships I will encounter in the future.But I want to do my best, using the sweetness of one or two points to dilute the suffering of eight or nine points in this life.Live up the people who came here with me.
This article is a real story, and it is made based on Lu Dan’s telling. May she be safe