Birth is a major issue that most women will face.
In "The Gate of Shengsheng", Ye Qianyun wrote the sorrows of women in common through fertility: "I tried my best. I feel that my lower body is cut by some kind of utensil …Bobo swept over. I think I am going to die … "
However, all the pain slowly dissipated because of the child’s arrival."The process of growing up with a child is hard and interesting. When watching his young man and the sunny rush to me, I forgot all fatigue and exhaustion."
At the same time, fertility is not just fertility itself.
The changes in policy brought a wave of second birth. Many people were pregnant, many people were aborted, some people divorced, some people were depressed, but some people gained joy and happiness because of this …
"The birth history of several generations I can see is a history of blood and tears. Only women know the pain of them. … where is the life, where should I wake up, and where is it?This may be a big proposition for women to think about life. "
The following is selected from "We at different temperature boiling", which are limited by space and have been cut.
Gate of Genome (Selection)
Wen | Ye Qianyun
The child came unexpectedly, and I was surprised and scared.When I was about to call the village, my mother was in the ground, and my father scraped her in front of her, and said anxiously, your girl is about to give birth, do you not hurry to enter the city?The mother ran home with a smoky way, delivered the prepared objects to the basket, and ran to the river and waited.Her father followed her all the way, explaining that she had to take care of me, and don’t turn her mother and daughter when she comes up.Over the years, the distance between me and my mother is like two hedgehogs. We have continued to use stabbing each other to find a sense of presence.
The pain hit me for a while, like a magnitude eight earthquake in the body, the pain that came up in the mountains and the sea, which made me overwhelmed. I said, I am going to die, I can’t live.The doctor came to listen to the fetal heart for a while, and came to check the palace mouth for a few fingers for a while.I couldn’t bear it, and I begged the doctor to make me cesarean. The doctor said that the palace mouth had six fingers. The indicators were all good. You can be born.My mother said that if you can be born, you must be born. You look at the people who have a cesarean section.You can bear it, shout out if you want to shout.My nails were deeply trapped into Mr. Lu’s arm, and he shouted loudly, saying that I hurt him.As if his pain was more violent than me.I had gone even the strength of shouting, lying on the bed dying, and letting my waves pour me down.I remembered the dead creatures on the beach, drowned by waves of sea.My body, my soul does not belong to me anymore, I am not me, I am pain.
The doctor said that my palace mouth was full. When I was going to give birth, I was exhausted.My shame, my dignity, is not as good as a piece of grass in front of the white coat.The doctor said, hard, hard.I tried my best.I felt that my lower body was cut open by some kind of utensils. After the spicy and sharp pain, I immediately forgot this pain, because the bigger and deeper pain swept around.I think I am going to die, and the death of death is standing in front of me. He was beckoning to me, and I saw him with a smile.The doctor said that you can cry or shout loudly, but I don’t have any strength to cry.She also said, don’t be shy, listen to me, come, work hard, and use some forces.I made all my strength in my life, struggling to nod, and I saw my high belly in the blur, and I was like the bulging soil piles in the ancestral grave.Inside, living in my child, my hope, I can’t sleep.
The nurse’s hands pressed my stomach vigorously. The doctor said, hard, hard, and hard, and it was already visible.I yelled and focused all the strength in my body on my stomach.Then, I heard the baby’s loud crying, with a slightly hoarse.The doctor said that the big fat boy of the eight pounds and two, where is a doll who is dolls prematurely for twenty -two days, must have remembered the wrong time.Okay, just remember it wrong.Does he be everywhere?The doctor said that he was very healthy.At that moment, all my pain was like the calm sea surface. Everything was settled and everything was silent. I suddenly wanted to sleep.In the confused, I heard the doctor saying that my mouth was torn like this, so how did I sew?Another says that you don’t know how to sew, we don’t even know.Oh my god, what happened?The doctor blame me a bit, saying that when you make you forceful, you are too strong.She patted my arm and said that our obstetricians like good maternal mothers like you, knowing how to make power, and a few more.
The time of sewing the needle is like a century, and every needle must be tightened, like the pain that nails into the heart. Then, all my tiredness and sleepy are awakened by this pain. I amOpen your eyes, look at the sunset outside the window, and shoot on the green leaves in front of the glass window.Every time I ask, is it okay?The nurse answered that it was still early.It is always so long to be tormented. It looks like a lot of turns from Ghost Gate.Those stitches, I don’t feel a needle, but many and many. They walk back and forth on my wound, and every step makes me lose my soul.I don’t know how many times I listened to "It’s still early", and finally the doctor straightened up and said, okay.The nurses next to each other praised that the master was really beautiful.The doctor’s surname is Xiao, and is my sister’s sister. My foot has been on her waist. Every time she hurts, she uses force to complete the operation. When she completes the operation, she said to me, sister, my old waistBoth are going to break.
Dr. Xiao wiped the sweat on his forehead, showing a smile that made great achievements, and yelled loudly and came.My husband laughed into a large flower into the delivery room. I wonder about where he was so strong, and hugged me in a cart.The whole family laughed around me, and my mouth was repeating a word: I am going to die, I can’t live.They said, they would not die, they would live well.I was tortured by the pain completely without a little normal IQ. I didn’t ask the doctor why I didn’t give me anesthetic when I was sewing.Later, I was even afraid to recall the process from giving birth to a needle to sew. At any time, I thought of the flesh to fall.My brain blocked them selectively, and I refused to talk to anyone about this terrible process.
A narrow small bed puts my fat body, and the fat body because of production, even the side body feels difficult.I thought I was lying up, and I was going to fall asleep for a century, and it was best not to wake up again.
Who has to let women have children?I really don’t know how the women in the village have a dozen children, how they let themselves survive.I closed my eyes and wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t sleep.I remembered the small things that had just been separated from my body, and I said, holding it to let me see.My mother carefully held him in front of my eyes. What ugly thing, there are several young and old men with wrinkles on the forehead, one opens one, closed one, and sleeping in ignorance.Between half awake, I don’t know if he saw me.I have become a mother, and I have become this little mother.But I was not excited at all, and the pain of contractions hit.I said, hugging it, it was ugly.My mother said, which is an ugly mother who disliked her baby. You see, how beautiful, fat, fans.The whole family is happy, except for me, except for my pain.
My mother pays attention to the waist of a cesarean section. What she did not expect was that my half of my hips could not fall into a stool until the full moon.On the wounds of the protein line, there have always been some semi -finished products made by people with poor needle lines.The protein line does not need to be removed, but the absorption process is a bit long.For a long time, I feel like a tire that has been repaired.Looking at the newborn in his arms one day, he looks like an analgesic, which can temporarily reduce my pain.But it is also like an pain. When he breastfeed, he absorbed my nipples and sucked it alone, so small but so powerful.I finally understood that sentence to make the strength of breastfeeding.I saw him exhausted everything, just to eat milk.
The little thing in my arms is to call my mother. I think it is awkward. How can a girl at home become someone else’s mother? As soon as he cried, my mother said, let my mother eat a few mouthfuls of Mimi.After a few days, I was finally used to the fact that I was the mother of this little thing.After the pain slowly reduced, I started to breed the boundless mother’s love.As long as he sounds, it is my all the world.Mr. said that when I said ugly and hugged, he was a little desperate. He always wondered how he would feed this little thing if I couldn’t do a mother.How do men know that motherly love can have all the nature of everything, and his thoughts were laughed at by the whole family for a long time.He always smiled happily while I was holding a small thing.Enough for two children to eat milk, and the stains of milk stains are dripping. I said, I saved your family a big cow money.
Once, the breasts on my left were swollen, and even my armpit was poured into the milk. I touched a large pimple, and there were a few small crickets next to it.I ca n’t call my good voice, the small things ca n’t be sucked, and the breast pump does not work. My mother wants Mr. Lu to help me take it hard.She said that she had suffered from this kind of work, which hurts too much.The sir is probably for a long time to leave the breast milk, and on one side, there is some embarrassing complex, and on the other side, maybe he can’t understand how much I hurt me.But my mother knew that she looked at my teeth and grinned. Without saying a word, she sucked me without saying a word.She took a sip while vomiting, and she said that the milk was sour until she sucked out some blood milk, and the pimple in the armpit were softened little by little, and my pain disappeared slowly.Mr. grinned and laughed embarrassed, and the mother said, you can’t recognize how much she hurts.He rubbed his hand and said, Mom, I recognize and recognize it.My mother said, you recognize a ghost, and you only recognize that you have a son.
In fact, my mother -in -law died early, and my husband was enlightened. I did not have any psychological burden on my son and daughter. In my heart, I have been looking forward to being a daughter.Make some different efforts.
During the more than a month of taking care of me, I suddenly understood the meaning of the phrase "I know my parents’ grace".A few layers of respect for my mother. Along the way, I owe too much to my mother. I am always busy brushing the sense of presence, taking up the sense of honor I brought to her, and to her very friendly.She seemed to never take these things as a matter of remembrance, and she did my best to me.I don’t know if she had a fear of giving birth to my mother at home in order to save a few dollars at home. She said lightly that she firmly believed that she had not done anything bad.EssenceWhen my grandmother saw one of my feet stretched out first, it must be scared like a earthy. Fortunately, I held my head with one hand and the other hand holding my stomach and going to the world smoothly.The opposition between my mother and my mother had no longer stopped from her and grew up, and I didn’t stop for a moment, which made my father a headache.Fortunately, after I have my own children, these inverted sweats have taken down.
I asked my mother, she gave birth to a few daughters. Has my father had abandoned her?Have you ever abandoned that I am a daughter?Mother said, "Children, we must blame only to blame the policy, and you can only dislike the policy. You said that the meat that fell on his own body is a man or a woman.She also said that I am the first child, and everyone in the family spoils me. Even my grandpa is delicious and fun. I am exhausted. My father did not even have a few daughters.What did you say.I am afraid that I am disliked, and in my mother’s usual remarks, it seems that I get some comfort.It turned out that the people at home did not abandon because I was a daughter, and even I was favored, which caused me to increase the confidence of love and being loved.In the confinement, the pain that gradually reduces the body is the endless care of the family.Whenever I wake up, my mother and gentleman are talking about me when I was a child. I always pretend to say angrily, you, you are talking about me again.Then pretend to be angry and not eat eggs. In order to let me eat one more egg, they thought about making me happy.
The small thing is like a small meat pier, and it will be a little fell for a while.His milk was a bit scary, my nipples were absorbed, and blood and milk fed him to grow up day by day.There are too many confinement. My mother ignored the hot weather. I was not allowed to show my feet and reveal my arms. I was not allowed to take a bath. I was not allowed to eat fruit. I was not allowed to watch TV …Let me be controlled by them like a happy prisoner.Whenever I want to do what she wants not to be allowed, she can list a lot of cases. I really don’t know how many weird things happened in our village, I don’t know if my mother isHow to master them and move me to educate me when necessary.
After the pain in the confinement gradually gone, I became a mother with a hurry. Every time my mother left, I was unsatisfactory. I was afraid that the small meat group would not be closed when I opened my mouth.A mother was there, and the mother knew that he was hungry or uncomfortable, or Xiaohan in the armpit.One night, his mother went home. He cried, didn’t eat, did not sleep, couldn’t carry it, and couldn’t hold it. He just tossed in the middle of the night before stabilizing.
The process of accompanying a child to grow up is hard and interesting. When watching his young man and the sunny rush to me, I forgot all fatigue and exhaustion.In my memory, I selectively retain all the happy time he grew up, and shared with him at appropriate time.When I asked him where the most expensive house in the world was, he answered creatively that the most expensive house in the world was the mother’s uterus.I was so excited that there were several kittens jumping in my heart, as if all the bitterness and pain he experienced had the happiest footnote.
When my forty -five -year -old cousin came to pregnancy, while being happy for her, she was also worried about her safety.The reason for production is that some of the thoughts of feudal remnants are still blame. For the continuation of a little incense in the hearts of the old mother -in -law, several brothers have daughters. The mother -in -law thinks that there should be a male inherited in their surnames.After being persuaded by the seven aunts and eight aunts, she has a master’s degree and stands on the interests of the family.She said that among all her classmates, she is an absolute alien. The female classmates who live in big cities say she is crazy, and the male classmates are praising her bravery.The reason why many men perform their second -child policies is that they are just a participant, and some people have always been bystanders.
During the whole pregnancy, my cousin was tortured by various discomforts of her body. Whenever she sends a complaint of life in a circle of friends, there was a big wave of debate followed.Every time she is advised to advise the elderly women not to follow her’s post -dust. Her best female classmates have repeatedly advised her to consider more in the future. She also joked that she said that she could stay in Shanghai to work.Back to fertility tools.Every time she finished the pain, she seemed to be an effective relief.The whole family was so careful that she was holding a crystal ball with a valuable city. She did not dare to let her have a production inspection in the hospital in the small city, saying that she would prevent any mistakes.Her mother -in -law burned incense every day, hoping to fulfill another dream in the rare year.
The cousin was finally produced. In order to calculate the child’s birth, the whole family tossed countless times.The master said that this is the case, and that master said that.The days when it was finally finalized was three weeks earlier than the expected period. The cousin said, hurry up and hold it out. It is more difficult every day and day by day.The doctor said that time is early, and it will have a certain impact on the fetus. It is recommended to go back.
Her mother -in -law said that she dreamed that Guanyin’s mother came down from the portrait and pulled a little boy in her hand and said it was for her.The whole family firmly believes that the cousin is a boy.During the B -ultrasound check -up before the cesarean section, the cousin couldn’t help asking the sex of the fetus, and when the other people told her that she was a daughter.Her tears rushed, as if the spiritual pillar of the whole pregnancy fell halfway.Her sadness scared the whole family, even her mother -in -law put away all the feudal thoughts, and said a good and warm language of a blessed daughter.Before surgery anesthesia, she repeatedly told her cousin that in case she had three long or two shorts, she must bring her daughters.
In the good time when the whole family counted, she gave birth to eight pounds of baby girls, and her mother and daughter were safe.The whole family did not have the joy of imagination, nor did it show a trace of sadness.Little disappointment in life is often not enough to affect people’s pursuit of happiness.A small thing like one day makes people love it. Even during pregnancy, she has repeatedly stabbed with her cousin during pregnancy. She did not support her eldest daughter who had a second child, and also showed great enthusiasm for her new sister.But she was always unhappy when others praised her sister.And repeatedly made some moves in front of her parents, and whether to have a little sister, she became unimportant.
Another friend was pregnant for nearly six months. Some examination indicators showed that the fetus may have defects, and she needs to go to a better hospital for review.Want to various hospitals and hope to be misdiagnosed.But the diagnosis results of several hospitals suggested that she induced labor. Even if she had 10,000 kinds of reluctance, she had to choose painful surgery.After that, she began to insomnia, and she couldn’t sleep throughout the night.As soon as she closed her eyes, the child was in front of her eyes, a boy for a while, and a girl for a while.Crying and asking her to hug her, but when she reached out, she disappeared.She began to dislike herself, and she was not firm enough. Why not retain her (he)?Doctors’ diagnosis cannot be 100 % accurate.She rejected anyone to visit, feeling like she was separated by a high wall with the world.Every night, when I saw the bed, it was like seeing ghosts.
The doctor said she had postpartum depression.Her husband said that sometimes she occasionally was happy, but after a few minutes of happiness, her mood was completely frustrated.I often complain and accuse people of the family, as if everyone is hateful to her.The doctor said that these are the normal reactions of this disease. Some drugs were prescribed, and she told her family to let her feel care and warmth from time to time, and pay attention to her emotions.
She refused to take those medicines, and she said that I was not sick, and it was you sick.The family had to put the medicine quietly in brown sugar water and coax her to eat it.She often cried in bed, who would persuade her, and she would cry more.If no one persuades, she will feel that no one loves herself and sobbing.
Her son is fourteen years old, how much she wants to have a daughter.Since the moment she knew her pregnancy, she had conceived beautifully, and there would be a soft and bright daughter.She watched her read poetry, run, write, sing, play the piano.She presides in her father’s big eyes, her mother’s long legs, she will have thick hair, long fingers, tall nose bridges, and stylish small mouths.She will become another herself, who has been improved countless times.
She often dreams of all kinds of flowers, orchids, pomegranate flowers, osmanthus, and lotus. It is said that this is a dream of her daughter.Even a few vomiting every day, for her, it seems to be a kind of happiness.Because she knew that the little thing in her arms was telling her, mother, I am here.
For a long time, she couldn’t get out of sadness.As if the whole world was her enemies, and she was not worthy of surviving alone. She often felt that she was a murderer and a murderer who killed her child.Closing the door and closing her eyes, she didn’t want to see anyone.In many sleepy late night, rain drops, wind sounds, car horn sounds, and the sound of trains, they all entered her ears vividly.
When a middle school female classmate came to call, I was chatting with her. I tried to help her uninstall some mental loads, let her reach a certain reconciliation with herself and the world, and return to a normal state of life.I just asked, are you okay?The female classmate choked and couldn’t stop.The marriage that I was envious of a time turned on the red light. From the time of middle school, the teacher banned the love in love in the first month of the flowers and finally fired a positive result.Passion with long love.The second child was the second child. Now that she is not strong enough, when the three -year symptoms hit her, she cannot have a second child for him. He proposed a divorce.When she had a first tire, she almost didn’t even guarantee her life.
After receiving a call from another friend, she gave birth to a big fat boy as expected. After 16 years after her daughter, she gave birth to a son.On the phone, I could see her eyebrows flying with her face, and she really blessed and happy for her.I said, congratulations, you have a happy life and a happy life.She said, my dear, bitter buckwheats are around.In order to give birth to this second child, she went to check it twice before she knew that the man’s mycoplasma infection caused the embryo to stop the embryo. The third pregnancy reaction was very serious.In order to fight for a dream that they or others want, women are always maternal, and they are willing to exhaust all their efforts.
In terms of life, personal sadness is always insignificant.The outside world is still lively and extraordinary, and every day, life and death are happening.Some women are holding alone, and some women are resolutely refused to have birth. There are always many models of existence in life.In the place where it is close to the land, people’s concepts are still spinning in the traditional circle, impact, and torn.But choosing a normal track that most people walk are still a kind of hope for ordinary happiness.
For a wide river, every drop of water is small.But there is only a drop of water from a drop of water before there is a stream, a river, and a sea.Everyone will have different ways to live in their hearts, but not all choices can follow their inner calls.Is it just a trivial matter except for life and death?A phrase "let it go" covers all the luck and misfortunes, sometimes ridiculous, and sometimes so appropriate.Everyone has created their identity or helplessness of life in contradictions.
That night, I had a dream. I dreamed that the hillside behind the village was covered with lobwheat flowers. Those small flowers became stars for a while, and a baby’s eyes.As soon as the wind blows, they shake and run, and I reached out to hug them, and they became small faces.On the hill with wind, fog, and dew, I can’t see whether they are watching me laughing, or tears at me.
It was Qingming again. Like in previous years, he went to the mother -in -law who had never met in this life and went to his father’s tomb.Many forgetful sadness has become a form of nostalgia.Every family meets death and forgets to die unexpectedly.Many dragon claws grew out of the cemetery, and they climbed out of the soil vitality.The sad people scrambled to pick.Faced with a pile of loess, here is Gao Gao, there are Gao Grandma, and the place where the Gao Gao bulge is the destination after their death. Here is my relatives with my flesh and blood.Suddenly I realized that everything in the world arrived at the other place from then on.All things are born to death, compassion is soil, and everything grows.In pain and laughter, welcome the arrival of new life.In Suona, tears, send a person’s life.The length of the middle is given various meaning, and it may also be meaningless.Life and death, death.After Wu Wu, Wu Wu was.
All the way to go, what you see and hear has become a period of history.Where to come from, where to go is like an unknown destination.As a woman, fertility is a major issue in her life.Opening the history of fertility of several generations I can see is a history of blood and tears. Only women know the pain.For me, it is more lucky, but too many misfortunes will not exist because I have not experienced it.It is around me, piled up and stacked vertically, whoever stepped on it, it was stained with whom.Where can I go to life, where should I awaken, and where is it?This may be a major proposition that women are worth spending their lives to think about.
"We are boiling at different temperatures"
Author: editor of Zhang Li
Press: CITIC Publishing Group